Sister-in-law allows kids to take snacks at her house, dad freaks out because she doesn't make them ask first: 'It's my house and my rules'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 12, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Should a parent be allowed to enforce their house rules on their children outside of their own home?

One of the greatest difficulties of parenting is consistency. When a parent has an idea of what they want to teach their children and how they would prefer them to behave, making sure that they achieve that goal usually means staying dedicated to certain rules, no matter how much of a struggle that can sometimes be. At the same time, it is also important to give some grace to yourself and others; no parent is perfect at their job all of the time.

As well as this, there is only so much control that any parent can have over the lives of their kids. Not every environment they experience is going to have the same standards as home, and while this can be annoying, it can also sometimes be a good thing. An alternative point of view is not always going to be the end of the world, and just because you don't agree with the parenting styles of others doesn't mean that they are harmful. Accepting this is another matter, in particular if you believe that they get in the way of how you want to parent your kids.

 

 

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  • A representation of two young girls eating chips from a bowl while sitting on a couch
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of two young girls eating chips from a bowl while sitting on a couch

  • A mom was facing pushback from her brother-in-law for what she allowed his kids to do when they were visiting her house. Her children were allowed to get themselves snacks without asking for permission, and so she let her nieces and nephews do the same. Their father, however, enforced a rule in his home that kids had to ask for snacks.

    As they were not under his roof and her own kids respected his rules when they visited, she didn't think there was any problem. However, her brother-in-law was angered by what he perceived as a lack of control over what his children were eating.

  • Am I wrong for not enforcing my brother-in-law's house rules in my house?

    My BIL has a house rule where the kids need to ask before they get anything. Snacks, soda, chips basically anything but water. At my house we have a snack drawer that anyone can take from without asking. He recently got very, irrationally, angry at us for letting
    via Cheap-Snow-7589
  • his kids just get snacks when they were at our house. This difference in rules isn't new and he's questioned us in our before. We think letting them learn self control and regulation is important. It worked too, after switching to free range snacks our kids, ages 13, 10, and 5, all have very good self control and
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  • don't gorge or take too many. We actually go through fewer snacks than we did with the old way. My kids respect their house rules when they're over there and always ask. This might not have been such an issue for me, but last time everyone was over he made a huge scene about respecting his house
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  • and his things and his kids things, an incident with a friend's kid that's isn't relevant. But, he made a long post on social media about not respecting parents rules and specifically mentioned respecting snack time. I told him it's my house and my rules, the exact phrase he used on the other
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  • incident. Am I the a-h_e for telling him to respect my house rules if he expects others to respect his? TI:Dr - BIL is mad I let his kids get snacks without asking at my house when he makes them ask at his.
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  • To clarify, none of the kids, their 3 or my 3, have any food allergies or restrictions. I do monitor how many snacks so the kids are having to make sure it's not insane.
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  • His kids always ask when they get their first snack and I usually respond by asking if they ate their last real meal, breakfast in the morning or lunch in the afternoon, then tell them they know where the snacks are.
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  • He also has a very strict 'clean your plate' rule that has lead to animated discussions because he's attempted to force my kids to clean their plate before they can leave the table. Big no go for me.
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  • SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS op STICKER SNICKS noppers SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS DINS hanuta HASELNUSS SCHNITTE 520 5202 003 00
    via Cemrecan Yurtman

    A representation of a close-up of shelves filled with candy bars, muffins, and cookies

  • Aggravating-Plum8147 NTA so if your kids go to his house they can go free range on your BIL snacks right? Since your rules should apply to his house, if his rules need to apply to yours. It makes no sense. Your BIL sounds a bit controlling.
    via Aggravating-Plum8147
  • Femmack NTA - Your BIL is grown and has kids and doesn't know different rules apply in different places? When they go over to school friends homes, does he expect to dictate the rules in that house?
    via Femmack
  • What about events? He get to tell them how to run their events too? By his logic, your kids don't need to follow his "ask to breathe" rules and can just help themselves.
    via Femmack
  • ProfessionalSoil8045 NTA. Unfortunately, your brother might end up causing food issues with his children by over- regulating it. Letting your children learn to self-regulate is part of helping them to grow up.
    via ProfessionalSoil8045
  • Short-Sandwich-8476 Sounds like BIL is a pissy little control freak.
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  • Foundation_Wrong NTA he's a hypocrite
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  • Heavy-Profit-2156 NTA. Your house, your rules. Especially when he uses the same line when it's something he wants.
    via Heavy-Profit-2156
  • Anxious-Routine-5526 NTA. Your BIL doesn't get to dictate rules in anyone's house but his own.
    via Anxious-Routine-5526
  • Just-Like-My-Opinion NTA If BIL wants to impose his own rules on his own kids in other people's houses, that's on him to set those rules with his kids and on him to enforce. Not you.
    via Just-Like-My-Opinion

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family drama parenting snacks brother in law
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